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Lovely Lineages

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The Mile Marker
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here", says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole.  It says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles from Dublin."
The Redneck Lottery 

Did you hear about the new 3 Million Dollar Redneck State Lottery?

The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.


Top 10 indicators that you've become a geneaholic

10. You introduce your daughter as your descendent
9. You've never met any of the people you send e-mail to, even though you're related
8. You can recite your lineage back eight generations, but can't remember your nephew's name
7. You have more photographs of dead people than of living ones
6. You've even taken a tape recorder and/or notebook to a family reunion
5. You've not only read the latest GEDCOM standard, but also you understand it
4. The local genealogy society borrows books from you
3. The only film you've seen in the last year was the 1880 census index
2. More than half of your CD collection is made up of marriagerecords or pedigrees
1. Your elusive ancestor has been spotted in more places than Elvis! 


A Modern Mother

A modern mother is explaining to her little girl about pictures in the family photo album. "This is the geneticist with your surrogate mother and here's your sperm donor and your father's clone. This is me holding you when you were just a frozen embryo. The lady with the very troubled look on her face is your aunt, a genealogist." 


Life After Death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." 


Chief Falling Rock

An Indian chief assembled the young men of his tribe and asked, "Who threw outhouse over cliff?" Nobody spoke up. Again the chief asked. Again there was silence. The chief went on saying, "Many moons ago, George Washington cut down cherry tree." "He confess. He get no whipping." "So tell me - who push outhouse over cliff?" Running Wind, a boy of ten and the chief's son, raised his hand. "I push outhouse over cliff." The chief smacked the kid hard on his rear end. Running Wind said, "George Washington no get hit by father." The chief said, "George Washington's father not in cherry tree when he chop it down."